why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
