i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
pop tarts are not kleenex
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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