Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
