Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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