You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
