haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
