I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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