I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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