I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
