I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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