the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Life is so much better after having sex.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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