I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
soo... how was my night?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
