So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
