Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
