No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize