similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
