My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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