i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
