Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
