one two three fourrrrnication!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
