Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
