they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
