he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
