Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
