Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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