she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
