y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
