Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
