wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
