Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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