Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
