If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
