forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
