mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
