Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
