Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
