seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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