I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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