I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
