Where is the hickey?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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