Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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