Where did you get a picture of my penis
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
