I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
