I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
