Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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