be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
