OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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