You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
