yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
