I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
