He kissed a someone with a penis
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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