I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
how drunk are you?
Several
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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