You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
