bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
