were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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