you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
