at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
