I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
