all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
