He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
